


Bathroom Deductions

by Random_Writes_Stuff



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, John is not fond of cats, John is on a date, Sherlock interrupts through text
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:46:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_Writes_Stuff/pseuds/Random_Writes_Stuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John pulled out his phone with a resigned sigh. Just when he thought that Sherlock was actually going good on his promise to not disturb him when he was on his date with... Hannah? See, this is evidence that the man has actually disrupted enough of his dates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bathroom Deductions

**Author's Note:**

> Written on the 5th of May 2012.

John pulled out his phone with a resigned sigh. Just when he thought that Sherlock was actually going good on his promise to not disturb him when he was on his date with... Hannah? See, this is evidence that the man has actually disrupted enough of his dates. Still, he taps the screen to view the message.

_Has discovered the suspect's bathroom, found out some interesting things you might want to know. SH_

John suppresses the urge to sigh just in time to give his date a humorous smile as she went on about her pet cat. She could make very good friends with Molly. 

_I highly doubt it but please go on ahead and tell me. JW_

He didn't even have to sit through five minutes of his date spouting poetic about her adorable feline friend before his phone vibrates again.

_Apparently, suspect has pre-mature hair fall, used to have a huge dandruff problem, is only just fighting an acne outbreak, has short term memory loss, poor dental healthcare, wears braces and has a thing for lavender. SH_

Just as John was about to reply the text, another came in.

_And that's only from the observations of the sink. SH_

And this is where John is surprised that his date hasn't suspected John of not giving her anything but his undivided attention. Seriously, how can she not notice him making faces at his phone?

_I would ask you not to go into detail as I am currently having dinner with my date, but I suspect you would anyway. JW_

This time it didn't take longer than five seconds for the message to come in.

_It's only a text John, you can choose to ignore it anytime you want. And her name is Susan. SH_

It must really be something if the only thing that crossed his mind after reading that text is _Susan? Really? I thought I dated a Susan months ago._

His phone vibrates again and he really, really wants to not read it just to spite Sherlock. He finds himself tapping his phone to view it before the thought was done.

He almost immediately regrets it.

_Why the heck did you send me a picture of what seems to be a teenaged girl's sink turned disaster area? JW_

He really wants to use exclamation marks, but he knows that he would never hear the end of it from the mad, so very mad, brilliant genius. He feels a text rant coming on. He decides to indulge.

_That sink looks worse than when Harry had bad days as a teenager and what can you deduce besides the fact that it's messy and cluttered at extreme levels? JW_

_The pre-mature hair fall, I get. But only just fighting an acne outbreak? Poor dental hygiene? And what's this about short term memory loss? You're just pulling my leg with the last one. JW_

That was good to let out. And he looks up to find that Susan (if that really is her real name) has moved on to talking about her exes and which ones she would miss depending on whether their cats shed a certain amount of hair on her couch. Again, he is amazed.

His phone was already at the messages section when he received the next text.

_Obvious, John. She has bought a few bottles of brand new acne cream and has not thrown the used ones away. There is a toothbrush that is horribly mouldy on the upper left as you can see and there is a roll of dental floss that is hardly used even though it was bought apparently a few years ago. And as for the short term memory loss, she apparently goes out to buy new bottles of hair product even though there is still a large amount le_

He just left it off just like that, as if he subconsciously pressed the send button without finishing his sentence. Sad to say, he is immediately worried.

_Hey, what's wrong? You don't usually send unfinished texts. At all actually. JW_

The text comes in just as he sends his.

_Meet me at New Scotland Yard, we don't have a suspect, we have a witness. SH_

Again he holds back the urge to sigh but he's already started making excuses to Susan.

The next minute finds him trying to hail a cab while soaked in wine.

Really, he was prepared to do anything for the man and he wonders whether the man himself knew anything about it.

Honestly, he feels really under appreciated right now. Is there any such thing as a Consulting Detective's Assistant Day?

 

End


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